Episode 2: The Power to Rebuild Again
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Choosing Self-Worth Over Compromise
In this episode, Bribri addresses the importance of self-worth by discussing a personal decision to prioritize her own needs and desires. She emphasizes taking a clear stand by communicating her expectations directly and being willing to walk away if those needs are not met.
00:00 Choosing Myself: The Beginning
06:05 Laying It All Out: My Terms
06:12 Setting Boundaries: Take It or Leave It
And as always, if you want to join my single mom community and participate in the 10 Day Glow Up Challenge where I send you a glow up tip in the form of a text love letter, text "glow" to 667-222-3798
Welcome back to The Single Mom Glow Up. If you listened to the last episode, you know, things were tough. Today, we're picking up right where we left off, and I'm sharing how everything shifted, how I learned to thrive as a single mom and found my confidence again. So. Without further ado, let's jump in. So where I left off, I was talking about... oh, gosh, the the end of my last relationship or the last relationship before I really started learning how to put myself first, right. And so that breakup hurt a lot lot and what was the turning point for me? It was getting to a point of realizing, okay, I had a hand in this, I need to take responsibility for my actions and my choices. And picking people who aren't a good match for me picking. And guys who I like like, or I think that I like, but really, I just liked the attention or what it means to be with that person. And I completely gloss over other stuff, right. I need to figure out how to not do this. Right. And so so I started, first of all, I took some time you obviously not dating, but still connecting with people online. I I made a discord and, or I already had a discord because my exfoliant at me and his friend group, but I was on discord and I joined some other servers. And met some people and just have some really good. Really good connections. That I, then, you know, I do this thing where I just like. Level of super fast. And so we're, I will connect. With someone at a certain level. Next thing. I know I've grown. Differently. I don't want to say up. Up past or anything like that. I think. That it's a different. Thing it's not a better or worse. In most cases, it's just different. Different. And so, you know, it started to grow differently. And you know, I didn't stay. On discord that long. And then I started dating again, but the difference was. Was I started dating. For me when, I mean, By dating for me is I started a date to learn my. My likes dislikes. Non-negotiables negotiables. Values, et cetera. And what I wanted. And to just, you know, like have fun, like I'm very much like a. You know, holding. And my hand tell me I'm pretty kind of girly. And so that's what I did. And I had a great time. I just, the glow kept glowing. I had had locks. And a Bob at that point, right. They were at my tailbone and then I cut them. A bit during the pandemic and then I cut them into a lump and it was super. Super cute. Oh my gosh. But then at one. When was this the beginning of 2021? I shaved my head basically. And. It was so liberating and freeing. Not just. Just in a physical sense. I mean, I looked. Stunning. And if you're watching this on YouTube, you can see the, in the thumbnail. I. Don't have'em tear. But it was. Also liberating in the sense of like, I, this hair that I was super attached to. I got rid of it. And. I look, so I looked good before. But I looked so much better and internally that was also. Also what was happening. Right. I got rid of all this. This baggage. All this. Incorrect programming all this self hating. Hating programming especially against single moms. And. Instead of feeling. Worse. I felt so much better. I felt so much lighter. And I was just glowing from the inside. Out. And the more that I learned about myself and what I liked. I liked and just poured into myself really. And made content something about making this kind. Content, this kind of empowering content does makes me go 10 times harder. I think it's. My purpose, honestly. But. Something about doing that. Just. It was like a what's it called? A snowball. No ball effect. Right. And you know, Things weren't completely easy. Right? I was still dealing with anxiety. I was living at home and all this stuff. And back then, I. I had my qualms about living at home because it felt shameful. I felt like, you know, I should be on my own. Like I'm 20 something years old. Then I should be this and I should be that just shitting all over myself. And. So, you know, I still carried. A lot of that, but then I also was very, I felt I. I felt great at the same time. It was both. There was a duality there. And so. What was another turning point or like not a turning point, but like a test. Test, I think. Is when I. There was this one guy who I had a super. Soft spot for who I was in a long distance. On and off flirtation ship with it. Didn't really like. I didn't turn it to anything. Anything massive, but there were a lot of feelings Involved. And so. He. I was in town one. One week For something and. You know, we met up. Chatted had a good time. And then afterwards, Words. He. I just had enough. Of like the flirtation sickness. And I was like, look. I did. Did my, I do this. I don't do it as much anymore. But I can get very black and white with stuff. I was like, look. We're either. Like we either go all. In with this or we leave each other alone because this middle ground is driving me. Absolutely. Bonkers and I just can't take it anymore. He was like, yeah, that much. Let's just not basically. And so we didn't and. In that moment. I chose myself, not just in walking away. And not chasing, but in literally laying it out on a table. And being like, look, this is what I want. You can either give it to me. Or I'm leaving. Right. I didn't. Do stuff like that before I didn't outright just say like, Hey, can you meet my needs? That's a scary. And vulnerable thing to do, right. And to put yourself out there and be like, Hey, can you meet my needs? If you are not used to doing that, if you're used to being passive aggressive or, you know, not. Asking. Pretending you don't have needs. If you're used to all of that. And then you turn around and say, Hey, this is what I need. Can you provide that scary? Terrifying and then to receive a rejection afterwards. Oh, it hurt. It's done. I was crying. I cried a lot. And after that, I was like, all right, well, It feels. Great to choose myself here. Yes. I don't regret my decision. And. I need to take a break from dating, right? Cause I was doing. That dating for me thing and having a great time. I was having fun. And. So I took some time to myself. And, you know, a couple of days later, I was like, all right, I'm going to delete these apps. And so I want to hinge, I said apps, but really I was only on hinge. So I went to him. And I was like, all right. I have 250 likes on here. I'm going to delete them. So that when I get back on the app, Whenever I get back on, I don't have 250 likes to go through and more than half of them. Aren't even on the app. Anymore. And it's just, you know, I just want it to be clean and clear when I come back. Mind you, I had hinge premium. At the time. Because let's just say I had a hookup Who. When I say hookup, I don't mean in like the dating. I mean a friend of a friend. Hooked me up with. Premium hinge for the free anyway. So, you know, I could go through all the likes and just delete them. And so I'm going through before. I just blindly delete them all. And I see this one guy and he was just so handsome and like, So my type. And so I just check on his profile. Okay. I guess like in local a little bit. And so I looked. And in his profile, he mentioned something. So Niche that I was like, oh my gosh, there's no way. Right. And it was like, what is your most adventurous? What's the most infectious thing you. did. And it was that he. Did a target and swing in Costa Rica. And I was like, there's no way he Did the same tar dancing that I did in Costa Rica. So I had to find out and. So I responded to that. And. Kind of find out he did do the same tire then. So you can Costa Rica and a bunch. Of other things. It was just 10 years apart. That we were both there. He was there way longer than I was. I was there for like 13 days. He was there for like 13 months. Not exactly. That's an estimation. Anyway. So. we started chatting on that level and then things just. blossomed and he started applying. A whole lot of pressure and he's just this really good guy. And things moved really fast. This is not necessarily something that I recommend. doing for most people unless. you feel. Highly connected with your intuition And you've done a lot of work. On yourself. I'm really good. At reading people. And so. If you are not good at reading people, I don't recommend doing this. If you're not connected to your intuition, I don't recommend doing this. my intuition snatches me up And I hear it before. It's not just me up. Don't get me wrong. But. In certain instances, it is super loud, Especially when it comes to other people. I have issues with my intuition, not issues. But it's. Harder for me to hear my intuition when the only person impacted is myself. But when it comes to the impact on, especially my kids, my intuition is loud. Loud and clear all the time. Just. Flawless. And so with that I just wanted to give that disclaimer, but. We ended up moving in together and he was such a great. He's he's still is he, so he's great with the kids. And it's just a really. Oh really good guy. He was. Perfect. I had a list. Right. I always say dating. Dating without a list is like going to target without. Without a list. Like you go to target without a list. You come out with a whole bunch of stuff you don't need. And don't really want. And, you know, you're wasted your time and energy, getting it. Right. Not always, sometimes you find gems and target and it's a good thing. But. The most time, that's not the case. And same thing with dating. You go into dating without a list. And you end up. Just all over. The place really. Right. But if you have a list and I'm not talking about a list of physical features, Those things. I mean, they matter a bit if you know, they matter for you. Some people like me, I'm pretty I'm like Demi sexual. So like looks. Looks matter to an extent, but they also don't. But anyway that's. Not the main point of the list. The main point is, you know, those things that you learn. As you date for you. So, you know, how do you. Like to be treated. How do you like to feel, what do you like in a person? What kind of friendship do you want to build with your partner? What kind. Of romantic relationship. What type of. The sexual. Relationship, like, do you even want to have a sexual relationship? You know, are you a sexual. Like these things that. You may not even know. about yourself. Right. Especially if you're like me and dedicated the first seven. years of your adult life. To some scrub. Right. Like loyalty to vote into some skull rent. All right. You don't know these things about yourself, all, you know, is how to be in a relationship with that one person. So. So you're figuring all this stuff out. So you date. For you. Right. And so having figured. Figured all that stuff out. I had my list. And he checked off everything on that list. Everything. And so I just went with it. I just went with the flow. Right. Keeping my intuition on listening, staying. Staying tuned in. And it was beautiful. And. And really the only reason it ended wasn't for lack of love. In fact, I think it lasted longer because of the love. It's. There was so much external, like life things. Happening that kind of like a put internal pressure on each of us. And be pulled us apart, like. By the end of the. The relationship. We didn't have anything left to give to the relationship. It just ended that way. there was no. Like. There's nothing to be angry at. There. was some anger, but it was not pointed at each other because it's like neither. of us did anything wrong. It just was a sucky situation. And each of us had to choose ourselves. And, you know, we're both doing a lot better. I want to say by the end of the relationship we both look like sunk in. I look at the pictures and I'm like, Oh, my gosh, we look like. Dead and rained and all of These terrible things, but I saw him last week when he brought some food. For the puppy. And. You know, I look so much better. He looks so much better. And I'm just like, oh, Thank goodness. More than. Anything. I care about him as a person. Right. If we can't be together, I still want him to live. An amazing, wonderful life because he deserves to live amazing, wonderful life. And same for me. And so I say all that to say that The choosing myself had. An immediate return you know, and it doesn't always happen Immediately. So I want to set that expectation, but it had an immediate return. Of aligning me with someone who. was good for me at the time. Right. And then things fell apart for other reasons. I think. God has. Has other plans for me? But by No means, do I feel like that relationship was a failure? Or shouldn't Have happened or anything I'm grateful for it. I think. It was supposed to happen. And I see it as a gift. I see him as A gift and all of that stuff, sure. It ended. But like, I regret nothing. And I don't think he does either. He said he did it. And I believe him. So I wanted to say that I think God has different plans for me. in that. Moment after I chose myself. God was kind of like, all right. Here. I'm going to give you everything that you want. Here's the relationship that you want. You're going to move out. You're going. Gonna have the job that you want. And so I ended up. Working this amazing job as a College counselor. as a therapist, it's hard to find a job. That pays well. you don't have a lot of client facing. Ours. And that you have good benefits and the workplace isn't. Toxic. Usually it's a toss up between those. I found a job that had all the benefits, coworkers. Amazing. Supervisor amazing pay. Amazing benefit. Crazy good. it was such a great place. To work. And. I couldn't work there. Like I started facing and I'll get into. And another episode, but. I learned that I was autistic. So I was facing. Burnout. That was facing autistic burnout. Like I can't do the eight to. Five thing. And if this seems a little bit choppy, my apologies, I had. To pause before I just did this next section to go get my kids from the. School bus and my son is a bit. Having a moment. Yes, autistic burnout. So I'll, I'll talk about that in another episode. Otherwise, it sounds going to be ages. And so. That happened. And my ex was going through. His own stuff at the time with his job and. He's been on like this redemption arc and it's just been a really tough time. Time for him. And. For the astrology girlies, I'm a Libra, he's an Aries. And so if you know, you've been following the Cardinal sign. Thing then. You know, it tracks, but. Yeah, we. We're just going through. Like I said, external stuff. But then we both ended up having to, I came. I came back here home to live my parents because I had to leave the job. And it was such a, that felt like a breakup too. I was like crying. I was sobbing. On the daily, because I was so upset. In admitting that I had to leave such a great job. And, you know, Kind of the same thing happened with the relationship. I was upset. That like the relationship was over I didn't want it to be over. But it was, and he didn't want it to be over, but it was, I think of my supervisor. She was like, I don't want you to leave. But I don't want you to stay if this is how the job is making. You feel like you're making so much sense? Like. I hate that. She's like, I hate it too. So. You know, that happened. And then we had to move out of our. townhouse and he's with family and I'm with family. And it's like, I'm back at square one. No job. Single mom, living at home with my parents. No partner. Just me and the kids. Right. And my family. And. At first, it felt like a major below. Like, oh my gosh, here I am back at square one. I failed. But. It wasn't, it's not a failure. Like I'm. so much better off. Not to say that, like that's not aimed at my ex that's just aimed. At. The situation as a whole, like. Being autistic and trying to do neuro-typical levels. Of. Living. Was killing me like some. I went to work and I felt like my legs were going to Collapse underneath me and I was just going to fall and my legs. Just weren't going to work anymore. That's what I felt like was going to happen. If I kept going. Which sounds wild, but that does happen. To people. I felt like I was back. At square one, but then I realized it was more like that episode of SpongeBob. Bob with the magic conch. And, you know, Patrick and Squidward get flung into the middle of a forest. And all they have as a magic conch. Right. And I felt like. That was just, okay. All right. Everything fell apart. I'm stuck here. With the magic conch, let me pull the thing and see what it says. And. You know, magic content in my world is God. So I'm like what. What am I supposed to do here? And the way that the answer was nothing. Nothing. I was like, Okay. All right. Right. You know what. Let's do it your way. God, because I. I feel like those last two years. Got handed me everything. He was like, here's everything you think you want. And I was like, yay. Yay. I did it. All right. But then I realized everything that I thought. I wanted was so contrary to who I am. Right. And I never would've learned that lesson had. I've not been handed everything I wanted. Right. Because what I was doing was looking. At everything else and being like, okay, well, if only I had. had the perfect counseling job. If only I Had the perfect partner then. Life would be great. Right. But God's. Showed me. that what I thought was. My purpose. Is not my purpose. And So I'm not a hundred percent sure what my purpose is. Right. I'm still figuring that out, but I'm. Taking the. Little guy then taking the little I sat there and I did nothing. And. I'm still some days doing nothing. Kind of. But. I'm taking it. By step now instead of just, okay, well, you know, I. I studied to be this. So this is what I'm going to do and had this big plan. I don't have a big plan. I have like day. Day-to-day plans like this podcast, right? This all started with a threads. Heads post. And I was like, Hmm. I wonder if anyone would even be interested in being interviewed. And so what did I do? I posted on threads and it blew up and a bunch of y'all responded. And we're like, Hey, I want to be interviewed. I'm like, heck yes. I had 20 something people sign up. And I've Got a bunch of interviews lined up for you to listen to now. So. That kind of thing, right. Going with the flow. And like I said, I'm not a Flogo or I'm a. Planner. But I have become a flow goer because God. Took everything away. And he was like, all right, now that you've had what you wanted and you realize. Realized that it's not what. You're supposed to be doing. In this life, are you ready to listen? I'm ready to listen. All right. So that's my journey. And so I say all that, but. But like, I, I want to emphasize that, that wasn't a failure. I think. Got also showed me through that. That. It does work like choosing yourself. Does work. It works. You know, God's plan works more, but like, It does work. I wouldn't have gotten To that point, had I not. Learned to choose myself. So lately what I've been doing is, you know, Having my back. Doing a lot of self check-ins. I actually have a self Care checklist. I sometimes. We'll refer to it. I don't necessarily need to anymore because a lot of it has Become habit. But. I have provided it. So if that's something that you're interested in, I can definitely. leave my link to that in the description. I have all kinds of resources for single moms. I've got. Um, on planner, it's got a custody schedule. It's got Meal planning in the weekly template. Not on some weird random page. And it's got financial Planning sections. I've got a date and confidence. Confidence guide that literally walks you through everything that I did. To get to a point to be able to choose myself. It's called dating confidence. But you don't have to use it before you're dating or to boost your dating confidence. It's just good for boosting your confidence and glowing up in general. It deals with stuff specific to moms. Not all of it's specific to miles, but it has stuff that's also specific. Mobs. And it's a workbook. You just walk yourself through it and you do the activity. and you do the reflection and you are well on your way to. Too. Healing that void that in episode, I talked about it. And this episode but the first episode. You know, just being more confident in who you are. As a person and feeling more whole. That's why I made that. And then I've got a dating Bible that just talks about all the things I've learned. As a single I'm dating And then I've got a dating profile creation guide because the rules are a little bit. Different. If you have kids. And. They don't have to be different. But they are a little bit different. And yeah, So feel free to check those out. And. I'm going to end things here. Otherwise I'm going To go over. Last point, last thing It's reminder. Please, please, please choose yourself. Always, always. You cannot pour from an empty cup. If you choose yourself. Self then you build yourself into someone that. Has the capacity for your kids that can give even more to your kid instead of being in survival mode, you. Go from surviving to thriving. Oh, that's the piece that I wanted to address to. I created this space. Not just. For single moms in general. I mean, you're all welcome here, but. I created this space specifically for Other single moms, whether you're neurodivergent or sensitive. Or whatever. Who like me? Can not. Subscribe to that. Hustle culture. Right. For some singles moms. Oh, thrive in that. Right. I cannot like that. Tears me down. That makes me a terrible mother. It makes me a shell of a person and I just. Just can't. And so now I'm on this journey to build a life. Where. I can still be the soft growly. That I am. And still be a single. Mom, still show up for my kids still. Rachel level of independence. Once, but like, I also very much. Love my support. System and will. Hold on to my support system. I'm not going to. Let go of that. Just for the sake of saying, oh, I do this on my own, or I can do this on my own. Right. Like to me, that's not a badge of honor. It's a, it's a show of strength. Don't get me wrong. But to me, that's not a badge of honor. That you're doing it on your own. That's just. The show of the. The failure of society to support its mothers. Right. Like it takes a village that is one of the truest. Idioms the truest statements, the truest expressions. That I think there is about. Parenting like it takes a village. And if you're doing it. It without a village, don't get me wrong. You're amazing. You're strong. Your independence is unmatched. Right, but that. Is. That takes a toll. And for me, especially, it takes a major. I can't. I don't care to do that. I cannot. I do that. I refuse to do that. And so if you resonate. Nate with that. My space is for you. Especially because you're allowed to be soft. You're allowed. To need support. You're allowed to want support as a mom. Period. And if. Anyone questions that they can. Go be by themselves. With their kids, right? Like you go do that. It can mind their business and you can mind Yours. Right. Like at the end of the day, you have to do what's. Best for you so that you can do what's best for your kids. And if what's best for you. Is to. Lift the soft girl life and create a life. That you can live the soft grow life as a single mom. Do it. Like, why not? You know, Alright, so thank you so much. And that was a bit of a tangent. I've had to go there sooner, but I didn't want to end this saga. Have, you know, my story without mentioning that. So thank. You so much for tuning in once again, this episode was All about transformation or rediscovery and you know, the soft grow life. And about realizing that even in the hardest moments we have the power to rebuild. uBuild and even in our rebuilding. If that gets knocked down, you have. The power to rebuild again. And so I hope my journey inspires you. You to start thinking about your own glow up. And remember whether you're. You're just starting out or you're deep in your transformation. You've. Got this. Okay. Don't forget to subscribe. Crime. And leave a review of today's episode resonated with you. And I. We'll catch you in the next one. Bye. Bye.
In this episode, Bribri addresses the importance of self-worth by discussing a personal decision to prioritize her own needs and desires. She emphasizes taking a clear stand by communicating her expectations directly and being willing to walk away if those needs are not met.
00:00 Choosing Myself: The Beginning
06:05 Laying It All Out: My Terms
06:12 Setting Boundaries: Take It or Leave It
And as always, if you want to join my single mom community and participate in the 10 Day Glow Up Challenge where I send you a glow up tip in the form of a text love letter, text "glow" to 667-222-3798
Welcome back to The Single Mom Glow Up. If you listened to the last episode, you know, things were tough. Today, we're picking up right where we left off, and I'm sharing how everything shifted, how I learned to thrive as a single mom and found my confidence again. So. Without further ado, let's jump in. So where I left off, I was talking about... oh, gosh, the the end of my last relationship or the last relationship before I really started learning how to put myself first, right. And so that breakup hurt a lot lot and what was the turning point for me? It was getting to a point of realizing, okay, I had a hand in this, I need to take responsibility for my actions and my choices. And picking people who aren't a good match for me picking. And guys who I like like, or I think that I like, but really, I just liked the attention or what it means to be with that person. And I completely gloss over other stuff, right. I need to figure out how to not do this. Right. And so so I started, first of all, I took some time you obviously not dating, but still connecting with people online. I I made a discord and, or I already had a discord because my exfoliant at me and his friend group, but I was on discord and I joined some other servers. And met some people and just have some really good. Really good connections. That I, then, you know, I do this thing where I just like. Level of super fast. And so we're, I will connect. With someone at a certain level. Next thing. I know I've grown. Differently. I don't want to say up. Up past or anything like that. I think. That it's a different. Thing it's not a better or worse. In most cases, it's just different. Different. And so, you know, it started to grow differently. And you know, I didn't stay. On discord that long. And then I started dating again, but the difference was. Was I started dating. For me when, I mean, By dating for me is I started a date to learn my. My likes dislikes. Non-negotiables negotiables. Values, et cetera. And what I wanted. And to just, you know, like have fun, like I'm very much like a. You know, holding. And my hand tell me I'm pretty kind of girly. And so that's what I did. And I had a great time. I just, the glow kept glowing. I had had locks. And a Bob at that point, right. They were at my tailbone and then I cut them. A bit during the pandemic and then I cut them into a lump and it was super. Super cute. Oh my gosh. But then at one. When was this the beginning of 2021? I shaved my head basically. And. It was so liberating and freeing. Not just. Just in a physical sense. I mean, I looked. Stunning. And if you're watching this on YouTube, you can see the, in the thumbnail. I. Don't have'em tear. But it was. Also liberating in the sense of like, I, this hair that I was super attached to. I got rid of it. And. I look, so I looked good before. But I looked so much better and internally that was also. Also what was happening. Right. I got rid of all this. This baggage. All this. Incorrect programming all this self hating. Hating programming especially against single moms. And. Instead of feeling. Worse. I felt so much better. I felt so much lighter. And I was just glowing from the inside. Out. And the more that I learned about myself and what I liked. I liked and just poured into myself really. And made content something about making this kind. Content, this kind of empowering content does makes me go 10 times harder. I think it's. My purpose, honestly. But. Something about doing that. Just. It was like a what's it called? A snowball. No ball effect. Right. And you know, Things weren't completely easy. Right? I was still dealing with anxiety. I was living at home and all this stuff. And back then, I. I had my qualms about living at home because it felt shameful. I felt like, you know, I should be on my own. Like I'm 20 something years old. Then I should be this and I should be that just shitting all over myself. And. So, you know, I still carried. A lot of that, but then I also was very, I felt I. I felt great at the same time. It was both. There was a duality there. And so. What was another turning point or like not a turning point, but like a test. Test, I think. Is when I. There was this one guy who I had a super. Soft spot for who I was in a long distance. On and off flirtation ship with it. Didn't really like. I didn't turn it to anything. Anything massive, but there were a lot of feelings Involved. And so. He. I was in town one. One week For something and. You know, we met up. Chatted had a good time. And then afterwards, Words. He. I just had enough. Of like the flirtation sickness. And I was like, look. I did. Did my, I do this. I don't do it as much anymore. But I can get very black and white with stuff. I was like, look. We're either. Like we either go all. In with this or we leave each other alone because this middle ground is driving me. Absolutely. Bonkers and I just can't take it anymore. He was like, yeah, that much. Let's just not basically. And so we didn't and. In that moment. I chose myself, not just in walking away. And not chasing, but in literally laying it out on a table. And being like, look, this is what I want. You can either give it to me. Or I'm leaving. Right. I didn't. Do stuff like that before I didn't outright just say like, Hey, can you meet my needs? That's a scary. And vulnerable thing to do, right. And to put yourself out there and be like, Hey, can you meet my needs? If you are not used to doing that, if you're used to being passive aggressive or, you know, not. Asking. Pretending you don't have needs. If you're used to all of that. And then you turn around and say, Hey, this is what I need. Can you provide that scary? Terrifying and then to receive a rejection afterwards. Oh, it hurt. It's done. I was crying. I cried a lot. And after that, I was like, all right, well, It feels. Great to choose myself here. Yes. I don't regret my decision. And. I need to take a break from dating, right? Cause I was doing. That dating for me thing and having a great time. I was having fun. And. So I took some time to myself. And, you know, a couple of days later, I was like, all right, I'm going to delete these apps. And so I want to hinge, I said apps, but really I was only on hinge. So I went to him. And I was like, all right. I have 250 likes on here. I'm going to delete them. So that when I get back on the app, Whenever I get back on, I don't have 250 likes to go through and more than half of them. Aren't even on the app. Anymore. And it's just, you know, I just want it to be clean and clear when I come back. Mind you, I had hinge premium. At the time. Because let's just say I had a hookup Who. When I say hookup, I don't mean in like the dating. I mean a friend of a friend. Hooked me up with. Premium hinge for the free anyway. So, you know, I could go through all the likes and just delete them. And so I'm going through before. I just blindly delete them all. And I see this one guy and he was just so handsome and like, So my type. And so I just check on his profile. Okay. I guess like in local a little bit. And so I looked. And in his profile, he mentioned something. So Niche that I was like, oh my gosh, there's no way. Right. And it was like, what is your most adventurous? What's the most infectious thing you. did. And it was that he. Did a target and swing in Costa Rica. And I was like, there's no way he Did the same tar dancing that I did in Costa Rica. So I had to find out and. So I responded to that. And. Kind of find out he did do the same tire then. So you can Costa Rica and a bunch. Of other things. It was just 10 years apart. That we were both there. He was there way longer than I was. I was there for like 13 days. He was there for like 13 months. Not exactly. That's an estimation. Anyway. So. we started chatting on that level and then things just. blossomed and he started applying. A whole lot of pressure and he's just this really good guy. And things moved really fast. This is not necessarily something that I recommend. doing for most people unless. you feel. Highly connected with your intuition And you've done a lot of work. On yourself. I'm really good. At reading people. And so. If you are not good at reading people, I don't recommend doing this. If you're not connected to your intuition, I don't recommend doing this. my intuition snatches me up And I hear it before. It's not just me up. Don't get me wrong. But. In certain instances, it is super loud, Especially when it comes to other people. I have issues with my intuition, not issues. But it's. Harder for me to hear my intuition when the only person impacted is myself. But when it comes to the impact on, especially my kids, my intuition is loud. Loud and clear all the time. Just. Flawless. And so with that I just wanted to give that disclaimer, but. We ended up moving in together and he was such a great. He's he's still is he, so he's great with the kids. And it's just a really. Oh really good guy. He was. Perfect. I had a list. Right. I always say dating. Dating without a list is like going to target without. Without a list. Like you go to target without a list. You come out with a whole bunch of stuff you don't need. And don't really want. And, you know, you're wasted your time and energy, getting it. Right. Not always, sometimes you find gems and target and it's a good thing. But. The most time, that's not the case. And same thing with dating. You go into dating without a list. And you end up. Just all over. The place really. Right. But if you have a list and I'm not talking about a list of physical features, Those things. I mean, they matter a bit if you know, they matter for you. Some people like me, I'm pretty I'm like Demi sexual. So like looks. Looks matter to an extent, but they also don't. But anyway that's. Not the main point of the list. The main point is, you know, those things that you learn. As you date for you. So, you know, how do you. Like to be treated. How do you like to feel, what do you like in a person? What kind of friendship do you want to build with your partner? What kind. Of romantic relationship. What type of. The sexual. Relationship, like, do you even want to have a sexual relationship? You know, are you a sexual. Like these things that. You may not even know. about yourself. Right. Especially if you're like me and dedicated the first seven. years of your adult life. To some scrub. Right. Like loyalty to vote into some skull rent. All right. You don't know these things about yourself, all, you know, is how to be in a relationship with that one person. So. So you're figuring all this stuff out. So you date. For you. Right. And so having figured. Figured all that stuff out. I had my list. And he checked off everything on that list. Everything. And so I just went with it. I just went with the flow. Right. Keeping my intuition on listening, staying. Staying tuned in. And it was beautiful. And. And really the only reason it ended wasn't for lack of love. In fact, I think it lasted longer because of the love. It's. There was so much external, like life things. Happening that kind of like a put internal pressure on each of us. And be pulled us apart, like. By the end of the. The relationship. We didn't have anything left to give to the relationship. It just ended that way. there was no. Like. There's nothing to be angry at. There. was some anger, but it was not pointed at each other because it's like neither. of us did anything wrong. It just was a sucky situation. And each of us had to choose ourselves. And, you know, we're both doing a lot better. I want to say by the end of the relationship we both look like sunk in. I look at the pictures and I'm like, Oh, my gosh, we look like. Dead and rained and all of These terrible things, but I saw him last week when he brought some food. For the puppy. And. You know, I look so much better. He looks so much better. And I'm just like, oh, Thank goodness. More than. Anything. I care about him as a person. Right. If we can't be together, I still want him to live. An amazing, wonderful life because he deserves to live amazing, wonderful life. And same for me. And so I say all that to say that The choosing myself had. An immediate return you know, and it doesn't always happen Immediately. So I want to set that expectation, but it had an immediate return. Of aligning me with someone who. was good for me at the time. Right. And then things fell apart for other reasons. I think. God has. Has other plans for me? But by No means, do I feel like that relationship was a failure? Or shouldn't Have happened or anything I'm grateful for it. I think. It was supposed to happen. And I see it as a gift. I see him as A gift and all of that stuff, sure. It ended. But like, I regret nothing. And I don't think he does either. He said he did it. And I believe him. So I wanted to say that I think God has different plans for me. in that. Moment after I chose myself. God was kind of like, all right. Here. I'm going to give you everything that you want. Here's the relationship that you want. You're going to move out. You're going. Gonna have the job that you want. And so I ended up. Working this amazing job as a College counselor. as a therapist, it's hard to find a job. That pays well. you don't have a lot of client facing. Ours. And that you have good benefits and the workplace isn't. Toxic. Usually it's a toss up between those. I found a job that had all the benefits, coworkers. Amazing. Supervisor amazing pay. Amazing benefit. Crazy good. it was such a great place. To work. And. I couldn't work there. Like I started facing and I'll get into. And another episode, but. I learned that I was autistic. So I was facing. Burnout. That was facing autistic burnout. Like I can't do the eight to. Five thing. And if this seems a little bit choppy, my apologies, I had. To pause before I just did this next section to go get my kids from the. School bus and my son is a bit. Having a moment. Yes, autistic burnout. So I'll, I'll talk about that in another episode. Otherwise, it sounds going to be ages. And so. That happened. And my ex was going through. His own stuff at the time with his job and. He's been on like this redemption arc and it's just been a really tough time. Time for him. And. For the astrology girlies, I'm a Libra, he's an Aries. And so if you know, you've been following the Cardinal sign. Thing then. You know, it tracks, but. Yeah, we. We're just going through. Like I said, external stuff. But then we both ended up having to, I came. I came back here home to live my parents because I had to leave the job. And it was such a, that felt like a breakup too. I was like crying. I was sobbing. On the daily, because I was so upset. In admitting that I had to leave such a great job. And, you know, Kind of the same thing happened with the relationship. I was upset. That like the relationship was over I didn't want it to be over. But it was, and he didn't want it to be over, but it was, I think of my supervisor. She was like, I don't want you to leave. But I don't want you to stay if this is how the job is making. You feel like you're making so much sense? Like. I hate that. She's like, I hate it too. So. You know, that happened. And then we had to move out of our. townhouse and he's with family and I'm with family. And it's like, I'm back at square one. No job. Single mom, living at home with my parents. No partner. Just me and the kids. Right. And my family. And. At first, it felt like a major below. Like, oh my gosh, here I am back at square one. I failed. But. It wasn't, it's not a failure. Like I'm. so much better off. Not to say that, like that's not aimed at my ex that's just aimed. At. The situation as a whole, like. Being autistic and trying to do neuro-typical levels. Of. Living. Was killing me like some. I went to work and I felt like my legs were going to Collapse underneath me and I was just going to fall and my legs. Just weren't going to work anymore. That's what I felt like was going to happen. If I kept going. Which sounds wild, but that does happen. To people. I felt like I was back. At square one, but then I realized it was more like that episode of SpongeBob. Bob with the magic conch. And, you know, Patrick and Squidward get flung into the middle of a forest. And all they have as a magic conch. Right. And I felt like. That was just, okay. All right. Everything fell apart. I'm stuck here. With the magic conch, let me pull the thing and see what it says. And. You know, magic content in my world is God. So I'm like what. What am I supposed to do here? And the way that the answer was nothing. Nothing. I was like, Okay. All right. Right. You know what. Let's do it your way. God, because I. I feel like those last two years. Got handed me everything. He was like, here's everything you think you want. And I was like, yay. Yay. I did it. All right. But then I realized everything that I thought. I wanted was so contrary to who I am. Right. And I never would've learned that lesson had. I've not been handed everything I wanted. Right. Because what I was doing was looking. At everything else and being like, okay, well, if only I had. had the perfect counseling job. If only I Had the perfect partner then. Life would be great. Right. But God's. Showed me. that what I thought was. My purpose. Is not my purpose. And So I'm not a hundred percent sure what my purpose is. Right. I'm still figuring that out, but I'm. Taking the. Little guy then taking the little I sat there and I did nothing. And. I'm still some days doing nothing. Kind of. But. I'm taking it. By step now instead of just, okay, well, you know, I. I studied to be this. So this is what I'm going to do and had this big plan. I don't have a big plan. I have like day. Day-to-day plans like this podcast, right? This all started with a threads. Heads post. And I was like, Hmm. I wonder if anyone would even be interested in being interviewed. And so what did I do? I posted on threads and it blew up and a bunch of y'all responded. And we're like, Hey, I want to be interviewed. I'm like, heck yes. I had 20 something people sign up. And I've Got a bunch of interviews lined up for you to listen to now. So. That kind of thing, right. Going with the flow. And like I said, I'm not a Flogo or I'm a. Planner. But I have become a flow goer because God. Took everything away. And he was like, all right, now that you've had what you wanted and you realize. Realized that it's not what. You're supposed to be doing. In this life, are you ready to listen? I'm ready to listen. All right. So that's my journey. And so I say all that, but. But like, I, I want to emphasize that, that wasn't a failure. I think. Got also showed me through that. That. It does work like choosing yourself. Does work. It works. You know, God's plan works more, but like, It does work. I wouldn't have gotten To that point, had I not. Learned to choose myself. So lately what I've been doing is, you know, Having my back. Doing a lot of self check-ins. I actually have a self Care checklist. I sometimes. We'll refer to it. I don't necessarily need to anymore because a lot of it has Become habit. But. I have provided it. So if that's something that you're interested in, I can definitely. leave my link to that in the description. I have all kinds of resources for single moms. I've got. Um, on planner, it's got a custody schedule. It's got Meal planning in the weekly template. Not on some weird random page. And it's got financial Planning sections. I've got a date and confidence. Confidence guide that literally walks you through everything that I did. To get to a point to be able to choose myself. It's called dating confidence. But you don't have to use it before you're dating or to boost your dating confidence. It's just good for boosting your confidence and glowing up in general. It deals with stuff specific to moms. Not all of it's specific to miles, but it has stuff that's also specific. Mobs. And it's a workbook. You just walk yourself through it and you do the activity. and you do the reflection and you are well on your way to. Too. Healing that void that in episode, I talked about it. And this episode but the first episode. You know, just being more confident in who you are. As a person and feeling more whole. That's why I made that. And then I've got a dating Bible that just talks about all the things I've learned. As a single I'm dating And then I've got a dating profile creation guide because the rules are a little bit. Different. If you have kids. And. They don't have to be different. But they are a little bit different. And yeah, So feel free to check those out. And. I'm going to end things here. Otherwise I'm going To go over. Last point, last thing It's reminder. Please, please, please choose yourself. Always, always. You cannot pour from an empty cup. If you choose yourself. Self then you build yourself into someone that. Has the capacity for your kids that can give even more to your kid instead of being in survival mode, you. Go from surviving to thriving. Oh, that's the piece that I wanted to address to. I created this space. Not just. For single moms in general. I mean, you're all welcome here, but. I created this space specifically for Other single moms, whether you're neurodivergent or sensitive. Or whatever. Who like me? Can not. Subscribe to that. Hustle culture. Right. For some singles moms. Oh, thrive in that. Right. I cannot like that. Tears me down. That makes me a terrible mother. It makes me a shell of a person and I just. Just can't. And so now I'm on this journey to build a life. Where. I can still be the soft growly. That I am. And still be a single. Mom, still show up for my kids still. Rachel level of independence. Once, but like, I also very much. Love my support. System and will. Hold on to my support system. I'm not going to. Let go of that. Just for the sake of saying, oh, I do this on my own, or I can do this on my own. Right. Like to me, that's not a badge of honor. It's a, it's a show of strength. Don't get me wrong. But to me, that's not a badge of honor. That you're doing it on your own. That's just. The show of the. The failure of society to support its mothers. Right. Like it takes a village that is one of the truest. Idioms the truest statements, the truest expressions. That I think there is about. Parenting like it takes a village. And if you're doing it. It without a village, don't get me wrong. You're amazing. You're strong. Your independence is unmatched. Right, but that. Is. That takes a toll. And for me, especially, it takes a major. I can't. I don't care to do that. I cannot. I do that. I refuse to do that. And so if you resonate. Nate with that. My space is for you. Especially because you're allowed to be soft. You're allowed. To need support. You're allowed to want support as a mom. Period. And if. Anyone questions that they can. Go be by themselves. With their kids, right? Like you go do that. It can mind their business and you can mind Yours. Right. Like at the end of the day, you have to do what's. Best for you so that you can do what's best for your kids. And if what's best for you. Is to. Lift the soft girl life and create a life. That you can live the soft grow life as a single mom. Do it. Like, why not? You know, Alright, so thank you so much. And that was a bit of a tangent. I've had to go there sooner, but I didn't want to end this saga. Have, you know, my story without mentioning that. So thank. You so much for tuning in once again, this episode was All about transformation or rediscovery and you know, the soft grow life. And about realizing that even in the hardest moments we have the power to rebuild. uBuild and even in our rebuilding. If that gets knocked down, you have. The power to rebuild again. And so I hope my journey inspires you. You to start thinking about your own glow up. And remember whether you're. You're just starting out or you're deep in your transformation. You've. Got this. Okay. Don't forget to subscribe. Crime. And leave a review of today's episode resonated with you. And I. We'll catch you in the next one. Bye. Bye.