Episode 5: The Importance of Rediscovering Your Identity Outside of Mothering
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Becoming a mom changes everything. But you shouldn't let it erase you. Welcome. Welcome to the single mom glow up the podcast. That's where we're spilling all the tea on single motherhood, self care. And dating. I'm Bree, Bree, your host and fellow single mom. Navigating life love and everything in between. Wherever you are on your single mom journey. This is the place where you'll find real stories, honest advice and a community that just gets it. So grab your favorite drink, get comfy and let's dive into some. Juicy conversations that will inspire, empower, and. Keep it all the way. Real. Let's get into it today. So. In case you didn't read the title because you were just so excited. To listen to the podcast. I get it. Today we're talking about. The importance of rediscovering your identity outside of motherhood. Right. It in those. Oh, gosh, it's different for everyone, right. But. Recent studies. Or showing that for the first two years postpartum, like your life, belongs to your child. And. That is a necessary transition. It is. Initiation into motherhood. But at a certain point. You are meant to come out of it. You were meant to. Make. You're way back to the person that you are and the person that. You are as a mother. Right. And a lot of times we get stuck. In being a mother 24 7. And that takes a toll. It definitely takes a toll. So that's what we're going to. We talking about. Day, And. You know, this, this one's near and dear to my heart because there was. I didn't realize right. If you're listening, maybe you're just like, oh, I'm not quick. I didn't realize. How. How big of a key it was to differentiate. Myself as a mother versus differentiate myself. As a person. Until I was sobbing. To my grandmother on the phone. And she was like, What. I can't remember exactly how she. He asked it, but she was like, what did you, what have you done? What? No. She said, what do you have in your life right now? That. Brings you joy. That's just for you. And it. Made me cry harder because I couldn't think of an answer. The answer was nothing. My life belonged to. My daughter and my son. A hundred. Hundred percent. And anytime that I did have to myself. It was which. Back then I really didn't have any time to myself. But anytime that I did have to myself was spent. Lamenting. About being a single mom about. Life not turning out the way that I thought it was. You. Wallowing and shame, wallowing and. I guess self hate. It wasn't like a loud. Aloud and, you know, you're a terrible person kind of self hate. It was. A. Very. Quiet. Not taking care of myself, kind of self. Maybe, maybe more of a self neglect than a self hate. Yes. So this is near and dear to my heart because. That conversation. Cracked me open it. Made me start to learn how to prioritize myself. Self. That was a solid five years ago and I didn't. Didn't necessarily learn how to do that just immediately from that, it was definitely. A journey. But that was the start of it. So. You know, if you're like me and. Do you want to know, like where. And what an obviously I'll have this. Outlined in the description, but we're first going to talk about why your identity outside. Of motherhood matters. We're going to talk about some common challenges. Is to rediscovering your identity. We're gonna go. Through the actual steps to rediscovering your identity. These are steps that I use. Too. I reconnect with myself, which is funny. Funny that I keep saying reconnect because. Motherhood does change you. So the person that I reconnected with wasn't exactly. The same person who I was before I became a mother, which. For me, it was a very stark difference because I was literally. Literally 19 years old. I became a mother. And didn't actually start doing. This until I was about 24, 23, 20. For. So a lot of just developmental growth. Happens during that time period, that changes you a lot as a person, usually. Would that frontal lobe still developing? But. Yeah. So that being said, we'll go into what your. Our rediscovered identity looks like an everyday life so that you can have a picture of. What your goal will be and not to say, oh, I want to rediscover my identity. And then. Not know what that's going to look like, like know where you're going to know what it looks like and to know. If maybe you're already on this path, whether you're on the right track. Okay. So let's get right into. It because if you've been listening to the other episodes, I get off. The topic. That's why I haven't outlined in the first place. If you see me looking down. I am. Reading. From my outline that I wrote. Okay. So motherhood. Good is only one part of who you. R it's beautiful. It is significant. But it, sorry. But it is not. All. Of who you are. You are not. Just. A mother. You are so much more. Okay. It also benefits I'm going to put. My therapist hat on for a second. It benefits your mental. Ental health. Okay. I did experience postpartum depression. And postpartum anxiety. benefit. Your mental health to have an identity outside of your motherhood. Right. Now I remember. There was recently. A. I. I saw someone on one of my threads. Who was saying how her oldest is moving. Out. Her youngest the last of her children is moving out. And she has no idea. What she's going. Going to do. And how she's like. She's dreading it. As a single mom, she's dreading. Her kids not being around, going off to college and not. It and it just being heard and it's like, well, yeah, of course you dread it. You spent the last. 18 years ignoring yourself. Right. And so if you don't know who you are, if you don't have a life or even an identity outside of being a mother. Those things are terrifying. If you are hating other, if you're sending your kids to someone who you know, is irresponsible and neglecting them, but you don't really have a choice. Because the courts. Ignored. I'm about to say, but if you're sending your kids. To their dad's every other weekend. And you're like, oh my gosh, I missed him. So. Much like I'm sobbing cause they're gone. And the. You don't. Have an identity outside of motherhood. And I'm not saying that to shame you or anything like that. I'm saying it because it's true. Like if you had an identity. Outside of motherhood, you would be able to just let go for those. Two nights. And be like, oh my gosh. I have time to do all the things that I want to do, but if your life revolves around, Around your kids. Even though it doesn't need to revolve around your kids. Kids. That's. And an indicator that you're. Your identity outside of your motherhood matters. Right. There also shows you the benefit to your mental health. Right. If you have an identity outside of motherhood, when. When your kids are gone, you know, some people have 50, 50, some people have whatever. Whatever the two weeks. I'm not a math girly. Whatever the two weekend. A month thing is, um, If you're. Like me, you don't have any of that. But, you know, or, you know, if you're also like me a few. Years ago they would go stay with a parent out of state. For a few weeks, maybe a month. And you know, that is like, oh my gosh, what do I do for a month? And I've experienced both, right. I've experienced not having an. Identity outside of motherhood where I'm like, Oh, my gosh, this has been the worst three weeks of my life. I'm moping around. I'm crying all the time. I'm just like depressed. Rest without them there, because it's like, what is my purpose? Outside of providing for them and being there for them. but the more. Recent times that they have gone for a few weeks. Two a month. I'm like, Now, sending them off. You know, Of course, it's going to be a little bit sad, but just. Once they're there and they're safe. I'm like, yo. Yeah. Like I can. I'm I'm me. I'm free to just be me. Actually. I feel like that a little bit. When they go to school now, they weren't school-aged when it was going on. So I always had my son. But. That freedom to be yourself. If you don't have a self to be. B then. It doesn't feel like freedom. But when you. I have a self to be. And you. Have that space from your kids. It's just like so much excitement. And I want that for you, if you want it for yourself. All right. Modeling for your children. This is the big thing. I talk about this a lot. Because there's this. Extra pressure on single moms to be perfect. But perfect is different to everyone. And there's. Nothing that you can necessarily do to be perfect. One as a mother in general. But to. If someone is hating on you. For being a single mom, there's nothing that you could say or do that's going to change our mind.'cause, they're not really hating on you specifically, or even single moms as a thing. They're most likely hating on a specific person. In their life. Anyway. Who you need to be thinking. Of and who you are thinking of. I know you're thinking of them, but maybe a bit of a mind. Mind set shift for some, if not, all of you. Is modeling for your kids. They are going to benefit from seeing you as a whole person. Some of them with passions, hobbies, dreams, your own identity. And the boundaries to maintain those things so that they can be someone. Like that. Right. But if they see you. Consistently. Going against your own boundaries. Aries, not having anything to do leaning on. On them for emotional support. And. Just overall. Only being a mom to them. They don't get to see what it looks like to be a full individual. Right. They only see you as. Their mother. And if it is having a negative impact on your mental health to. To be that and all of that. And only that, I mean, Then that's what they see. And that's not, you know, like I said, I'm not sitting here like shaming and being like, you shouldn't be depressed about this. No. Like if you're depressed, It makes sense. Like being a single mom is not easy. Okay. But. Moving. Towards building up your own identity can help you step out of that and help. Model something different for them in the longterm. Piece by piece, not all at. Once. Okay. You already have enough on your plate. And then finally long-term. Fulfillment. And this is what I was kind of getting at with that example of the. Mom, whose kids are now off to college. Rediscovering your identity helps you avoid any resentment. Any guilt and then feeling lost or super lonely as your kids. Kids grow older and become independent. Right. Like you. Our whole person. Yes, you're a mother, but you're a whole person as well. And so. It matters. You, you have. You have to, you have. I don't even like to say that to people, especially my. Uh, demand avoidance self. But you have to, you. You have to build your identity. All right. So. So what are some common challenges, right? Because I'm sitting here talking about. Why it matters. Right. But we. We need to get into the challenges a so that you can notice if you have this specific town. So you can overcome it. common challenges, mom, guilt, feeling selfish for wanting. Time for yourself. Raise your hand. If you have ever experienced. Mom guilt, but don't do. It too fast because it will cause a ripple effect. Basically, there's so many people who experience. I think most, if not all moms. Experience some form of mom guilt. And sometimes that mom guilt can be stronger and more pervasive as a single mom.'cause it's just, you. And there's a lot more pressure. If it's just, you. And so wanting time for. For yourself as a single mom. Feels. Worse than if you have a partner. To kind of. Give the responsibility. The two, because they very much did help you make that kid. Or, you know, if they stepped. In. They've assumed some responsibility. So that is a big one. Right. And I always. I always say. Leave mom guilt at the door. Throw. It out, like if you are honestly trying to level up and glow up as a single. Mom, you have to, you just have to leave the mom guilt. And the best way that I do it is to remind. I find myself that one, mom guilt. Usually is not. Not. How I feel about motherhood or. Actually, it's not true. It's someone. Else's projections of what motherhood should be and that someone else. It's just usually. Spouting. The same, like traditional, traditional like toxic. Patriarchal way of viewing motherhood. And it's like, who are you? Touting this. White male, white CIS male way of thinking of things. Thinking of things and mother had. What that has nothing to do with you? Shut up basically, basically, mom. Mom guilt. Shut up. I don't have anything to feel. Guilty about I'm here on doing the damn thing every single day. To the best of my ability. Therefore. To help me be able to do that. I have to take care of myself. Right. I have to have my own identity to take care of myself. I have been, know who I am outside of being a mother, so I can step away from being a mother. The same way you have a job. You can't do that job 24. Seven. And still be good at it. You can't like you have to leave work. There are laws around that. There aren't laws around. Around mothering. Right. But. If you tried to get your nanny to nanny 24 7. And not pay them. Six figures. You're going to have a really hard time finding a nanny. Right. Because it is a job. It is. Work. It requires. Have you. And so you have to take time to. Establish your identity to know how to take care of yourself. Right. Societal pressure. There is an unseen. Unspoken expectation for moms. Especially single moms to prioritize motherhood over everything. But there's also the piece of if you are working. You're also somehow expected to be able to work and to not have to take time off and. All of that stuff. Right. So. You can challenge this notion. And. Be a multi-dimensional mother. Right. I mean, you are that already. You're already doing that. So you can shift it a bit. For yourself for your own benefits. It's okay to do things for your own benefit. To rediscover your identity and actually level up. It seems. Counterintuitive. If you are. Subscribing to mom. And guilt if you're subscribing to societal pressure and some of the other challenges. To lean into taking care of yourself. And learning about yourself and prioritizing yourself. But doing those things will make you a better mother. Time constraints. It's really hard to have you time, right? Like, As a single mom, especially if you're doing it all on your own and have 0, 0, 0 support. It can be really hard to carve out your own time. Um, I do have. Um, I mean, just, you know, if you don't already. Follow me on Instagram and tick, mainly take talk. Don't follow me on Instagram. Well me on Tik TOK and threads. And I post. A lot of tips about like time-saving and all, you know, how to take care of yourself. And how to. Infuse things into what you're already doing. Doing to improve your quality of life when you don't have time. Fear of judgment. This is a big one, right? Fear of judgment. Oh, my gosh. So, depending on when you're. Hearing this it is now November, 2024. In the. It was around November 20, 22, but it actually started. In October, 2020. Two. Two years ago. Aye. Shared a post. Post that went viral on Instagram. Ana. And. I thought that that was exactly what I wanted, but it was a very. It went viral because it was very relatable. For a lot of single moms. But it was also something. Thing that people. Who aren't single moms. And or who hates single moms. Could easily project. Reject their hate on too. And so I got. I think I got. At 2 million view. I had like random people commenting. I had celebs. Celebrities commenting. And liking. And sharing and it just kept blowing up and blowing. I mean, even, I just got a like on. On it today and it was two years ago. So anyway. That. Judgment. I was not. Not expecting the level of judgment that. That I got for simply sharing my feelings about something. That had happened. In my life that a lot of other single. Moms have had happened to them that they also related to. But there. It was so much unnecessary, like twisty turny, mental backflip hate. On it. It. And it shut me down. I didn't really use. I basically up until recently. Didn't. Didn't use Instagram heavily since I tried to go with the momentum maybe before. For a couple more weeks, but once it really hit for me, like, That judgment. I was just like, I can't even, I couldn't think of things to post. I couldn't like it created this huge creative block for awhile. And so I had to let go of the fear of judgment. And what helped me do that was things happening in my personal life. With. You know, family. Family. Like extended family and, friend group. Kind of dissolving, It was nothing that I did that was while they're out. The pocket, I just set boundaries. And then, you know, people who don't like you setting boundaries. Trees show themselves. And so that's what happened. And when that happened with the same grandmother. Mother who gave me that great advice, right? Like she gave me that great advice. And, you know, Something not so great happened. A while later. People are complicated. It is what it. It is. I don't even, you know, sometimes you just got to set boundaries with people and. I love them from a distance. And so that's what I chose to do. Because it's like, You hurt. Me, you didn't apologize, but. I'm not going to subject myself to that anymore. But it doesn't make me. We love you any less. Like, I still love her very much. It wasn't an. Easy decision, but I'm also very, uh, somewhat about myself. And so basically from those things, I was afraid of being labeled. Labeled as a bad mom or neglectful or. You know, Not just whatever, right? In the case of the thing with. The extended family. It was more so that. I was afraid of being seen negatively for something. That wasn't. Negative. But like still being perceived that way. So. The point is. I encourage you to let go of outside opinions. And focus on what you. And your kids need the most, which is joyful and authentic. Love. And if you're afraid. Afraid of judgment. From others. That don't really like, are they raising your kids? Because if they're not their judgment, doesn't matter. But that doesn't take the fear away per se, until you, unless. Yes, you work on it anyway. All right. Let's get into these practical steps of rediscovering your identity. Okay. Revisit the things that. You liked in the past old hobbies or interests? Passenger you had before you were a mom, what did you enjoy? That brought you joy or fulfillment, however small. It could be small. Things, it could be big things. One. Thing for me was tennis. Something that I've always, always, always wanted to get back. Into, for some reason, I find it difficult to. Do cardio. I actually did get back into tennis. Two years ago and. It was so great. Oh my gosh. It was so lovely. And it was like wonderful. Wonderful to see how my body, my muscles remembered how to do things. But. When I got home. Home. Or on the way home, it was like, my body was buzzing. I was so much energy. That it made. Made me feel panicky. And I was like, I could push. Through this, I could go back into tennis a few more times and see if this is just Like a one-time thing, a two time thing, a three time thing or a forever thing. But I didn't, because I didn't have the bandwidth to. That was a time where I was working from home as a therapist. Mist and. The kids were home all summer and. My partner at the time was working. long hours and. I was at home with two kids in a puppy. All day. Cause they weren't in camp or anything like that. And it was. I was balancing working and it was also baking. Thing and like doing shows on the weekends. It was just so much, I didn't. Have the bandwidth to like, see if tennis could fit. But. That gets me to the other thing. Baking and it turned. Into something way bigger than just baking as a hobby. Funnily enough. But that's something that I've always loved. I still love it. And. Even when I talk about baking, it's like, My whole spirit lights up because I just love it. So much. And so I revisited that and that turned into a whole side business, because I ended up selling it because people were just like, so good. He should sell it. And so I tried it. And suddenly it was so fun. Until. Life circumstances changed. And so. So I don't have access to. Being able to sell it right now. Now which sucks, but. Revisiting those past things I've been baking since I was 13. And playing. Playing tennis. Since I was 10, I played from 10 to 18. And then baking, I've done on and off, but. Basically stopped when I had kids for awhile. So revisiting those past things. And then if you don't have those things, Things or if everything ends up like tennis for you. You can explore new passions. Okay. Be open to discovering. New things, things that. You've always wanted to try, but never really. Really tried, maybe that's dance classes. Getting into reading or planned parenthood. Even maybe solo. Solo travel, especially if you're like a 50, 50, custody schedule kind of girly. Rediscovery. It isn't always about going back. And I kind of alluded to this at the beginning, especially if you've changed a lot as a person in general and just haven't realized it yet. Sometimes it's about. Finding. Out who you are now, as opposed to going back to who you used. To be. Okay. And then set small goals. Goals, micro goals, especially if you are, neurodivergent like. MI. Or just otherwise need things to be bite-sized. Maybe your life is super busy and making big changes. Takes. Too much out of the things that are a priority for you. Although you should be your priority. As well. But setting small goals for personal development, choosing one area. At a time where that's your health? What about your career? You know, pursuing the career that you actually want to be in, whether that's, you know, going for. For new schooling or more schooling or initial schooling. Or whether that's creative projects. And then set SMA. Small achievable goals. Not just to reach. The goals, which that is part of it, but to fuel your sense of self. So you want to make sure that the goals are small enough that you. Reach them. And not that they're so big that you can't. Reach them because that's only going to discourage you further. That's going to. To make your confidence, take a hit. And you don't need that. Right now when you're literally just. Trying to, Connect with your identity as a single mom. Okay. And then this one is major. If I haven't said it enough. Self care and boundaries. Okay. It is. Is incredibly important for you to, uh, to carve out time for self. Self-reflection. Whether that's journaling. Meditation. dancing, which is my new fav. Anything that allows for self growth? Emphasis on self. It is incredibly. Important to carve out time for that, especially with your identity, right? How are you going? To rediscover yourself. If you're not spending time with yourself. I'll put it this way. If you were dating someone, how are you going to get to know them? If you don't get. To know them. You have to spend time with them. You have to observe. Observe them, you have to. Do things with. Them. It's the same thing with getting to know. Yourself and with getting to know your identity now outside of. Motherhood. You have to spend time with yourself. If you don't like me saying that. That means you don't like yourself. I used to also not like myself, but it just means it's going to be a little bit. Harder for. You. I would encourage you to figure out what parts of yourself. That you like work with those. And then figure out what parts of yourself. You don't like. And work with those and work on either liking. Them. Changing them. Depending on what they are. But I would work on liking them more so than changing them. And then finally connect with like minded. Communities. Finding single mom communities following. Me on Tech-Talk following. Me on threads, especially. If you're looking for community, follow me on threads. And then any other women focus groups or local. The local groups. There's this amazing Facebook group. That I've been in the entire single mom journey. But it's local to my area. I'm in the DMV and it's for DMV. Single moms and it is just. Wonderful. If you. Can find your version of that. In your area or even create a version of that. If it doesn't exist in your area. It is a game changer. Share. If you create something. Like that on Facebook, it might take a few years to get to the level of the one that I'm in. But it'll be worth it and you'll be a single mom. In some capacity, maybe you'll grow into like a solo mom or, you know, co-parenting mom or, you know, A blended family, whatever. But it'll still grow. In that time. But the goal in that is to feel supported, to exchange. Change ideas and gain inspiration with people who get it. Right. How many times are you shouted into the internet? Uh, BIS or seen other single moms shout into the internet of this. About. Single motherhood. And the people who respond. Aren't single moms and they're just hating and you're like, you don't even get it. Like, why are you hating? But that's what happened. Happens. Right. And so to find spaces. where you can. Go through this. Kind of clumsy journey of reconnecting with your identity outside. Of motherhood. But they also get what it means to do that, or they're on. That same journey themselves. Game changer, game changer. I actually also have a text membership. I'll talk about that a bit more at the end. So you start doing those steps, right? You revisit your past interest and see what still works for. And you explore new passions and, you know, what's the expression. You fill it out. You've got some of these hobbies and interests. All of these hobbies and interests, some are old, some are new. And then. When you set small goals for personal development, like with the tennis thing. Right. What made me take so long to get started with it? Despite wanting to do it basically the whole time I was a mother. I told myself, okay, if I do tennis and I'm going. I have to sign up for like lessons or some type of team, and that's a commitment. That's like at least a weekly commitment. I didn't have. That. Right. I told myself, oh, maybe I could play here or there with like some of. My old tennis buddies. And then I was like, Well, I don't know their schedule. So, you know, I kind of did that. That thing, right. And setting those small goals. So I just. Set a goal to just go see. And so the place that I had had. This tennis assessment, they go by the I'm not going to talk about it. That tennis. Jargon. And. So I was just like, let me just go see, and I'll just sit on it for a while. And I did that and. And, you know, ultimately I chose not to move forward with it. But that was. A small goal. That was something I could do. That was small. That. Allowed me to do it, which built my confidence. Right. Even. Though it didn't work out. My confidence was still built. I'm like, I was so glad that I did. That for myself, even if it didn't go, how I thought it would or how I wanted. It too. Okay. And then practicing self care and boundaries. I talked about the self care piece. I didn't talk about the boundaries. Um, but that's a big piece too, knowing when to say no, knowing how to say no. No knowing when to say, can I get back to you on that? Because you don't know if you want to say yes or no. That was a game changer for me. In fact. I need to use it today. And then finally connecting with like-minded communities. So if you start doing. Doing those things. Here's how you know that you will have started or you. You know, been connecting with your identity in every day life. One, you're going to feel more confidence and you're going to feel more resilience. Right. When you know who you are, you're more grounded. You're more confident you're more secure. And it's easier to bounce back from a setback. I remember those early single motherhood setbacks. Oh. My gosh. And things hurt and they would. Hurt for days, or if they didn't hurt for days, I would take them out on the people around me, which wasn't fair to them because it's not their fault that my kid's dad was not. Being good to them and to me as a mother who. Who he, of his children, who he created the children with anyway. So you will have more confidence and resilience, right? You'll have improved relationships. Okay. There. Can be a bit of codependency. I'm saying this very gently. If you can't see my face. There can be a bit of codependency. When. Your entire identity is. Steeped in motherhood. And then there can also be the flip side, but what. I usually see more often in what if you are. Into the things that I say, what you're most likely dealing with is. As codependency in the sense of like, And you're so used. To giving of yourself. At your own expense. Spence that you probably aren't even realizing the extent to which you are giving. At your own expense. You desperately want someone else? To do for. For you. What you do for your kids? But also. Likely other people in your life. Whether it's bending over backwards for the career. Bending over backwards for the people you, they. Who probably tend to be more avoidant. Um, Or just bending over backwards for friends, for family. Especially if you were the first born daughter in many cases, And. That can. Become your identity, right? If you've always been the mom friend, if you've always. Been the caretaker and motherhood is just you now doing. That for your actual children, but. You've been doing. This for people, your whole life in some way. You're probably very. Disconnected from your own identity. And that creates a certain codependency. So. And codependency codependency is not good for your relationships. The same way that narcissism is not good for your relationship. It's just that the driving factor behind both is opposite. But so when you have rediscovered, Discovered your identity on some level, it will result in improved relationships, especially if you get into the self care and the boundaries, which is why I pushed those so hard. So you'll have a stronger sense of self, which will allow for healthier, more fulfilling, more authentic. Relationships with family, friends and partners, because that could have been to codependency leads to resentment and resentment is like, A terrible, terrible. Blight. On relationships, especially. Unspoken resentment. Another way you can tell is you'll just have a different, A better sense of happiness and inner peace. You'll. You'll know that you're more than a mom. And that will give you permission. To find joy and peace in your daily life with your kids. Right. And without your kids. Because one day you will be without your kids on some level, whether it's, you know, They may move across the country or across the world. But like if that's what they want and that's. It's where life takes them, then. It's their life. Your kids. Okay. They will thrive. When they see you thriving when they see you happy, when they see you. Being your authentic self. Your kids will thrive. How many times? Your kids pick up on your energy. And whether or not you can believe in energy. Which if you're here, you probably do. Your kids will pick up on your energy if. Your energy is very over-giving and you're kind of a bit of a martyr or something like. That super codependent. Your kids will pick up on that and they'll either mirror that. Or it will. Repel and. Repulse them so deeply that they will grow into the opposite. What is. The opposite of codependent. It's usually something. More on the narcissistic side of things. Not narcissistic as a personality disorder and narcissistic as a personality. Trait. And so. If you don't want. Your kids to either be going through what you're going through and. Model the behavior of not having an identity and being the caretaker. Person all the time. Or. To go on the other side of things and to be a narcissist. Like I said, not personality disorder, but personality trait. Creates and become the kind of person that you want your kids to be. Which. Be happy, fulfilled and authentic as you. Rediscover your identity. Okay. Oh, right. Right. Closing thoughts. First of all, thank you for. Being here for listening, et cetera. And I just want. To one. Before I get into my encouragement. Cause you know, I am heavy on. On the encouragement and I'm a heavy on the love. But. Before that I want to say it's super important. Just. Like I said, I don't be bossing people around, but if there's one thing. I'm getting, if you're seeing, if you're watching the video, I'm getting like physically uncomfortable. Trying to contain this. If there is a one. Thing. That you do. Change about your life as a single mom. It is at. At least connecting with your identity. You can just never listen to this. This podcast never listened to anything else that I ever say ever. You were to do one thing. Not even as a single mom. If you're, if you happen to be like, married mom or even just. Someone who identifies with that? Oh my gosh. I'm a mom friend. I've been the mom friend. My whole life and I've been taking care of my family, my whole life. Please. Please. Please. Connect. With your identity. Just do it. Just do it. So I want you to take the first step. Whether that is. Making a list of the things that you either want to try for the first time or revisit. Yeah, I would say start there. And then also the community piece. I think that's. QI. And so that's where I'm going to get into talking about the single mom sanctuary. If you are looking for daily encouragement. Self care reminders and a community. That gets you overall. I want you to consider joining the single mom sanctuary. Actuary. It is literally 10 bucks a month. I'm keeping it super. Accessibly priced. Because, you know, as a single mom, I've been there. I get it like. In a lot of free money going around. Depending on where you are on your journey, you know, you. I have a lot of money, but a lot of us don't and I don't want that to be the. Reason that you're not getting. Like this research. A resource, like I made this for you. So if. If that's something that you're interested in. Definitely, definitely looking. Look in the description. Um, I'll have the link there and then we can do. To support each other and finding our joy and purpose outside of motherhood. It's my way. Way of pouring into you. Everything that one. I wish I. Had poured into me. Um, but more than that, That. I have a friend who didn't necessarily make. Make it on her single motherhood journey. That's a story for another day. But because she didn't. Make it. I have all this love and grief it's grief, but grief is just a love. That you are unable to give. Right. And so it's just been rattling around in my body. For years. And so I pour that into the text messages as well. Just the outpouring of love and the things that. The love that I have. I have to give that I can't give to her anymore. So that all goes. Into those texts to their super loving. Um, and then also if for. For no other reason, but to have your phone popping off like this, getting messages here. Are there. Single mother can be really lonely, especially if you know, You're resonating with a lot of the things that I've said today. And. You know, all your time does go to your kids. So you may not necessarily have friends. You. May not necessarily be even dating anyone or on the dating apps, which I don't mind. I don't, I don't mind you. I don't. I forgot the expression. I get it. It's what I'm trying to say. And so. Definitely. Definitely. If that resonates and you're like, Dang. I am kind of lonely. Sign up. And there's nothing wrong with that willingness. I have experienced that loneliness many times. On my journey. So, you know, the resources. Resources there. Why not use it? And why not use it as a step towards rediscovering? Bring your identity as well. And taking care of. Yourself, because you deserve it. Like, if you don't deserve$10 a month. I think you deserve$10 a month. Like that's. You're with your worth. Worth way more. Spending way more. On yourself and$10 a month. So. That being said, thank you so much for listening once. Again, friendly reminder, take one step this week towards something that. That you love or rediscovering things that you. You love, like if you're, if nothing comes to mind, take some time to. Find something that gives even just a little bit just to. Teensy spark of joy. No guilt. No apologies. Okay. And make sure you follow. Share this podcast with a single mom friend. Who you think would resonate? And feel free to leave a review if you found. And the episode helpful or unhelpful, You. Talking about fear of rejection. I don't really have it anymore. So. And then once again, if you feel called to join the. The single home sanctuary, the link will be in the description. And yeah. Thank you so much for your time for. Your energy. Yeah.